First, let's talk about the hate, since I like to take the bread before the icing.
I particularly hate this day because, dammit, I feel so hated and invisible -to everyone. People look at me and then they start to whisper. It makes me want to like, cry or shut myself up from the world. But something inside me didn't let me do it. I just went with saying to myself 'Ignore. Ignore. Ignore it.'. But honestly, it's hard. Even you know that. You keep saying to people 'Just ignore it!' But you haven't realized that you're finding it hard to ignore things like that too. But somehow, I managed to pull through. But still, I hate this day.
Other than that though, everything seemed so perfect. Now here's the rather bittersweet part of the day.
You see, I'm in love with this certain person. She's a friend of mine, we're close I guess? We get along well -I try not to do the things she dislikes at all times and support her in all ways possible. Yesterday actually, I was absent in school because I almost only had 2 - 4 hours of sleep and I felt dizzy and a bit feverish actually. But if I felt a bit better, I would've gone to school - since that day was an important day. It was the day we were making our classroom's flag/banner. So the next day, when I went to school -I felt a whole lot better. I was devastated with the news the flag making was a failure. So, I went to go ask one of the makers -my best friend -on what happened. She told me that the money wasn't given to her to buy cloth, so she bought it when school was out and the person I loved had made it, all by herself. I sighed and waited patiently for that special person of mine. But I didn't made it too obvious, I was trying to make myself busy and let myself not to constantly think about her that much.
But I failed in that miserably.
So, when she finally arrived, I hastily got up from my sit and went to hers. Our classroom is divided to two parts, one on the left and one on the right. I was in the right side, furthest back. She was in the left side, by the middle. So there, I ran (or more like, maybe pranced) my way to her and trying not make it so obvious that I was so excited to see her. "So what happened with the flag?" I asked. And she pulled out the flag from her bag. God, I didn't really care about that stupid flag, I cared about the fact that I was talking to her. Her tomboyish voice and looks were just to die for. And the fact that she was bisexual/lesbian wasn't helping with my heart. I smiled and took the piece of cloth to look at it. Our hands brushed a bit and I felt very happy. The letters "C-H-A-R-I-T-Y" were perfectly made, right in the middle and was absolutely gorgeous with the black paint and silver glitter. The name of our section was on top, revealing it's glorious name. "Wow... this is so pretty! I'm so glad you were able to make it." She scoffed and it made me nervous and quite sad. "It better. I worked like 3 hours on that. I slept for only 5 hours today." She told me. She went home by 9 so she slept around 12 by then. I felt bad, because I was absent on that particular day. But I just flashed a fake grin. "I see. Miss would be proud of you then. And everyone of course." I said, and then, the bell rang. That meant assembly time -and our Holy Spirit Mass.
I sighed a little and gave the banner back to her. Our Vice President started to tell us to make our lines outside. I scurried to the switches to turn all the electrical appliances off -but I felt eyes peering behind me. It made me frown, so, I went outside and faced the green wall. I took my towel to my face and leaned on the wall. I wanted to cry that time so badly, but I bit back a sob. I pushed myself away, but I leaned back in again, then a hand tapped my shoulder. My heart raced but I soon relaxed again. It was only a friend of mine -a guy -telling me to scoot a little. I was blocking the way a bit and I sighed as I did as told. Then, she came out of the room -everyone did. Then, there I asked that question I was dying to ask for so many times.
"I'm in love with someone who's in love with someone else. What should I do?" I asked, with my voice low and almost shy. She then said. "Uh, wait, let me think about that." I waited for an answer as my heart started to thump loudly again. "Then, just steal that person away." She said, and I laughed. I chuckled then I wanted to cry in joy and sadness all at the same time. I repeated what she said. "Steal that person away..." I said and I laughed again. She smiled. "I'm waiting for a miracle to happen actually." I said quietly, she didn't reply. Then, it was her turn to ask. "Who is it anyway?" I got nervous and I felt myself shake and tremble. "It's a secret. I can't tell you." I said. She pursued though. "Tell me." I sighed. "You'll know. Someday." I replied, staying true somehow. "A third year student?" She asked -secretly asking 'Is it my girlfriend?'. I shook my head, being serious. "Fourth year?" I scoffed. "Hell no." She then thought more carefully. "Second year?" I was then, hesitant at first, but I nodded after a bit. "Yeah." She then smiled. "Is it in our section then?" I shook my head vigorously. "I won't tell you the section, but that person is in our level. I smirked, then, our line started to move.
I was planning to tell her, to be honest, but I got scared. So, I just kept quiet and gave subtle hints. I figured she wasn't much of a dense person. But she had a girlfriend so, I think she's blinded and all. And the fact that I was one of the first to know that she was Bi, that she had a girlfriend and that I helped her sorting herself out also helped with that. As of now, I don't know what I'll do. But I'll definitely enjoy this, the feeling of true, honest, and pure love. I hope, it'll turn out alright. I won't mind rejection, but I hope we could still be friends.
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